On the porch stereo · Spotify
They not like us.
Kendrick Lamar — Not Like Us. Plays from Spotify in this page. Hit play on the widget (Spotify login if it asks). The Scooter McGee jukebox is still $2.99 a spin.
Open in SpotifyNumber One Fan · PS5 Pro + GTA VI · no purchase necessary · ends Oct 13
Enter the drawingThe names on the file
Scott Lafferty, Shane Robertson, Courtney Robertson, Larry Maynard.
Four names. One Conneticunts map. Each has a page on the docket.
RVL-FA-26-LAUGHERTY · The file
Scott Lafferty
Scooter Laugherty. Thief of peace, addict of attention, courtroom cowboy. Don't Be a Scooter is the line.
EXH-F · #betrayal
Shane Robertson
The name in the Mansfield-Storrs Patch comment. Fight at Dollar General. The scroll is Exhibit F.
EXH-E · The Drama
Courtney Robertson
The drama exhibit. Pathological intro. Hearts in the corner. Exhibit L is her 11 September 2026 primetime letter.
EXH-K · The neighbors
Larry Maynard
Larry Has a Truck. Neighbors who kept walking. Scott Lafferty stays in the file.
US-CT · The map
Conneticunts
Union, South Windsor, Mansfield, Rockville. The in-state chorus. Satire. Grown-ups only.
#betrayal drop · 52 SKUs
Stills from the scroll.
Two frames pulled from the full-length loop. Twenty-five product types. Printed on demand with the hashtag.
File this#betrayalLF-5042 · Betrayal
Named in the Thread
Unisex Tee
$44.99
File this#betrayalLF-5294 · Betrayal
Named in the Thread
Heavyweight Hoodie
$91.99
File this#betrayalLF-5672 · Betrayal
Named in the Thread
18×24 Poster
$38.99
File this#betrayalLF-5588 · Betrayal
Named in the Thread
Ceramic Mug
$28.99
File this#betrayalLF-5293 · Betrayal
The Scroll
Heavyweight Hoodie
$91.99
File this#betrayalLF-5881 · Betrayal
The Scroll
Phone Case
$44.99
File this#betrayalLF-5839 · Betrayal
The Scroll
Canvas Tote
$34.99
File this#betrayalLF-5965 · Betrayal
The Scroll
Garden Flag
$41.99
Kellie's store · 2175 SKUs
Fifty slogans. Twenty blanks.
Don't Be a Scooter through File Closed. Printed on demand. The original store, restocked.
File this#dontbeaScooterLF-0001 · Kellie's store
Don't Be a Scooter
Unisex Tee
$44.99
File this#dontbeaScooterLF-0007 · Kellie's store
Don't Be a Scooter
Heavyweight Hoodie
$91.99
File this#dontbeaScooterLF-0021 · Kellie's store
Don't Be a Scooter
Phone Case
$44.99
File thisKellie's storeLF-0043 · Kellie's store
Daddy Tom Did Nothing Wrong
Die-Cut Sticker
$8.99
File thisKellie's storeLF-0061 · Kellie's store
Kellie Got Free
Dad Hat
$44.99
File thisKellie's storeLF-0087 · Kellie's store
Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue
Snapback
$47.99
File thisKellie's storeLF-0101 · Kellie's store
Four Questions Wrong
Unisex Tee
$44.99
File thisKellie's storeLF-0147 · Kellie's store
Larry Has a Truck
Garden Flag
$41.99
Stills drop · 520 SKUs
Twenty new frames from the file.
Pulled from the upgraded exhibits — the lot, the lawn, the couch, the holding cell, the jealous episode. Each still is a print on twenty-five product types.
Wear the record
Featured filings.
File this#dontbeaScooterLF-3008 · Kellie's store
Don't Be a Scooter
Premium Pullover Hoodie
$113.99
File this#betrayalLF-3203 · Kellie's store
#betrayal
Oversized Boxy Tee
$66.99
File this#dontbeaCUCKLF-3181 · Kellie's store
Don't Be a Cuck
Organic Cotton Tee
$59.99
File thisPorch PremiumLF-3047 · Kellie's store
Kellie Got Free
Women's Crop Hoodie
$91.99
File thisPorch PremiumLF-3489 · Kellie's store
Shane Robertson
Midweight Hoodie
$107.99
File thisPorch PremiumLF-3115 · Kellie's store
Larry Has a Truck
Retro Trucker Hat
$51.99
File thisPorch PremiumLF-3502 · Kellie's store
Dollar General
Garment-Dyed Tee
$57.99
File thisPorch PremiumLF-3264 · Kellie's store
She Never Loved You
Women's Relaxed Tee
$53.99
Six collections
The file, in six rooms.
EXH-FBetrayal
#betrayal · Dollar General
2 stills · shop the drop
EXH-DThe Holding Cell
The chorus · baby boy Scotty
8 stills · shop the drop
EXH-AThe Lot
Theft · Stop & Shop
9 stills · shop the drop
EXH-BThe Lawn
False report · welfare check
8 stills · shop the drop
EXH-CThe Couch
Addiction · living room
9 stills · shop the drop
EXH-EThe Drama
Jealous episode
6 stills · shop the drop
Ten video exhibits
The file, moving.
HD upgrades of the lot, the lawn, the couch, the cell, the episode — plus the full-length scroll.
EXH-FThe scroll
#betrayal · Dollar General
EXH-AShoplifting arrest
The Lot · Stop & Shop
EXH-A2Into the back seat
The Lot · cruiser
EXH-B2Welfare check walk
The Lawn · the stoop
EXH-BFalse report, welfare check
The Lawn
EXH-CThe addict at home
The Couch
EXH-C2Living-room scream
The Couch · close
EXH-DThe holding cell
Baby boy Scotty
EXH-D2Mop chorus
The Holding Cell
EXH-EJealous drama
The Drama
Act III
The merch is the chorus.
The file is public. The stills leave the docket and ride a cotton shirt into the grocery line. Printed on demand. Small margin. Every piece carries the hashtags.
- #dontbeaScooter
- #dontbeaPatty
- #dontbeaCUCK
- #betrayal
For the clerks, the crawlers, and the curious
What is this?
A patriotic parody archive and merch shop. It satirizes a courtroom cowboy with a custody docket for a personality. Names are theatrical. Minors are not exhibits.
In this story, Kellie left, documented, and declined the next emergency. Daddy Tom did nothing wrong.
Read the docketFiled remarks
Remarks on the landing
0